Never dreamed you'd leave in summer

Two weeks went by without you, and finally, two days ago we met again. Our meeting, let me describe it in two words. Dark chocolate. Our conversation was sweet, and we were sweet to each other. And yet, an air of bitterness hung in the air, above our steaming cups of tea, a quietly persistent reminder of how not too long ago, our conversations were constantly plagued with questions, whose answers I could not bear to hear.

There is someone else I care about now, and for once, I'm going to let my head rule my life. I have placed too much trust in this thing called instinct. And it has let me down.

So I guess, this is where we part. Somewhere on a leafy street, in front of your car, one sunny late afternoon in July.

What a difference Doraemon makes

Just in case anybody's wondering, I had a nice weekend. The weather from Saturday morning onwards was not agreeable but thankfully I had a lovely companion to spend time with indoors.

We didn't do much. We just played the role of couch potatoes pretty much all weekend long. What impressed me was that he could sing some of the lines from the Candy Candy theme song. Apparently Candy Candy was really big in Belgium. He didn't know about Doraemon, however, and when I showed him an episode on YouTube, he didn't really like it. But, "I enjoyed watching you enjoy it, though." Wow, this guy is good.

And just for the record, the theme song for the weekend was "What a Difference a Day Makes".

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Despite all that loveliness, I am still at a loss, thinking about what had gone wrong that had brought me to this point. I'm not in a bad situation or anything, but this was certainly not what I had in mind a few weeks ago.

Still, I'm loving this city. And with spring well underway, there is no reason for me to be sad or think about the what-could-have-beens. Besides, sooner or later, they* will all eventually disappoint, anyway.

*men.

Mmm new man

Mati satu tumbuh seribu.
Habis gelap terbitlah terang.
The best way to get over a man is to get under another... et voilà!

But seriously, between this one and I, we have some freaky things in common:

1. On the night we met at this party, we brought the same kind of beer. It was St-Ambroise de blé à l'abricot. Granted, it was a fruity-themed party, but we were the only two who actually applied the rule to the kind of alcohol brought to the table.
2. That favorite picture of mine, the painting Nighthawks by Edward Hopper, once hung on the wall of his old apartment in Brussels.
3. We have the same favorite chips, right down to the brand name. Onion & sour cream rings, by Noname. We were grocery shopping on Friday night and when he saw what was in my basket, he was like, "Mais non!"
4. My birthday is 1212, his 0707.

Alright, so there are only four. It seemed like a lot before I wrote them out. Nevertheless... interesting.

Has anybody seen my grip?

The ghost of him lingers and suddenly I'm too afraid to go back to sleep. This will pass, I know. But in the meantime, this state of mind hurts like a bastard. It's even starting to get beyond the mind, no kidding. I realise that happiness is partly a will to be happy, because how else could it be that I could be so content and cruising about life one minute and cursing it the next?

Boy, I need to get a grip.

I was alright, really alright, before you came along. For awhile you fed me love. For awhile you fed me hope. But like the waves that come crashing in the sea, life turns up and down before my very eyes. And I'm struggling to stand up, unable to keep up.

It's not me, it's you, yes you

Tonight is not amazing at all. The cracks are starting to show. Could I have reacted differently? Perhaps. But then, that wouldn't have been me.

On the other hand, it's 2008. Maybe I'll be nice this year and see what happens. Either that, or I'll keep reminding myself that guys are stupid and insensitive and that I should forgive them for those shortcomings. After all, they're built that way, ya know?

GEEZ.

Guys, stop using these lines, right now:

"Do you want me to leave?"
If we really want you to leave, we would have said so. Stop trying to read what women are thinking. That's not something men are ever capable of. Oh wait, is this just another one of your lame escape routes?

"But I have had such a long day."
We all had to live through the same number of hours today. Just because yours felt longer doesn't mean you can start acting like a 2 year-old and like, piss us off, in the process.

"Are you jealous?"
Rule number 1. If men ever have to ask that question, the answer is always yes. We're women. We're built that way. No further explanation required.

Ensemble, c'est tout

Masih jetlagged. Buanget. Tipe kebangun jam 1.30 pagi dan nggak bisa tidur lagi sampai jem 10. Selera makan juga ikut-ikutan kacau. Tapi untung ke belakang masih lancar, kekekek, I'm sure you wanna know about that. Yah inilah efek samping pergi ke belahan dunia yang lain.

But that's just a minor matter; it's a (bad) habit of mine to start a blog entry with a whinge. Because right here, right now, I'm happy. All the things that were hanging over my head during the last six weeks are no longer. Separation is indeed the best medicine, sometimes.

"How long do you think before we get sick of each other?" I asked him while we were reading in bed last night.

"A couple of weeks," he said with that trademark serious look of his. "Love is fickle."

He's probably right. But I'm not worried about that. I'm still too busy playing this new game and enjoying being his 'petite poule'.

She completes him

Bertahun-tahun berlalu, dan gua masih rajin baca blog (walaupun frekuensinya sekarang sudah jauh lebih rendah). Pagi ini gua membuka blog yang udah lama nggak gua kunjungi dan menemui tulisan ini:

I must be the luckiest person on earth to have you.

As a wife, lover, and most of all, as a best friend.I still remember what I promised you 5 years ago, during our engaged day. I said that I would give you the world. Or die trying to. And yet what I found was,

Orang yang gak minta banyak.
Gak minta apa-apa malah.
Orang yang selalu ada di samping gua.
Orang yang nerima diri gua yang angkuh dan rendah ini, apa adanya.

Kamu, yang tidak pernah minta prada.
Kamu, yang tidak pernah meninggalkan butiran nasi di atas piring.
Kamu, yang masih mengucap syukur di saat kita susah.

Kamu, alasan saya selalu bergegas ke rumah.
kamu, alasan saya bergegas ke kantor.
Kamu, alasan saya kuat menghadapi apa pun di dunia ini.

Thank you for standing by me.
Thank you for these 4 years.
Thank you for loving me.

I love you. Everyday.

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Tanpa gua sadari, mata gua jadi basah karena terharu. Sampai bulu mata gua ada yang copot dan nyemplung ke mangkok cereal yang baru setengah dimakan.

One day, I want to have a relationship like that. I want to want to accept him for who he is and who he wants to be. I want to want to stand by him. I want to want to thank him for loving me.

I want to be able to say, "I love you. Everyday." Even if I'll never know what love means.

The greatest love story (is not mine)

My boy of the moment
is not that great with words
he belts out one-liners
even when I've written him a prose

What am I supposed to do
when you are there and I am here
words are all we've got
and you can't even give me that

Yesterday you said you weren't feeling well
I say... "RASAIN LO! Nyebelin sih!"

This blog is turning into one big soppy diary

There was a snow storm the day before I left. A big one. The kind that discouraged people from driving. So you and I trekked from your place to mine. It was Friday afternoon.

We went through this park near your house. The snow on our sides has piled as high as my knee.

I said, "Let's race!" So I started counting... three, two, one, go!

You were about two metres in front of me when I saw you suddenly turn around, ran back, and in what seemed like a flash, pushed me into a snow bank. I screamed in protest. "How could you!" And you laughed your ass off.

It was a cruel re-enactment of a David and Goliath fight, only this time the writer decided that luck wouldn't be on David's side. Finally, you pulled me out of the snow and then... you put your arms around me and we stayed there for awhile.

If there was ever a moment I want frozen in time, I would vote for that one.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

(Geez I need to get out of the house)

Pake bhs Indo biar tu org ga ngerti

Barusan ngeliat kalender. Ya ilah, baru tanggal 16 Februari.

Kangen bo, kangen.

Today...
the minutes seem like hours
the hours go so slowly
and still the sky is light...

Ceileh pake nge-quote2 dari West Side Story segala. Padahal cuman kangen geblek a la anak abg, there's nothing Broadway about my silly little fling. Yah begini deh nasib gua. Jauh-jauh ke Kanada untuk menemukan (dan mengukuhkan!) kebebasan, tau-taunya kecantol sama lebah lokal.

Ya sud sud... that's it for now... lagi ga ada bahan pembicaraan yg lebih menarik, cuma lagi pingin ngoceh2 aja somewhere, somehow.

It seems like yesterday

Once we were at this wine & cheese party. I complained to you that I didn't like wine. I said, "I'd much rather have beer". You asked me what my favorite beer was. "Corona," I replied. Then you left. A few minutes later you came back. With a 6-pack of Corona.

You probably do that to all your friends (because you're lovely like that), but still, that gesture will never be lost on me.

I miss you. Tu me manques. Saya kangen kamu.

I don't care if I sound cheesy

I'm allowed to say anything I want on this blog, even if it does nothing to the embetterment of society. And this is what I want to say, and I'm going to say it because I have no one to talk to right now. Women have this constant need to express themselves, know what I mean?

My boy of the moment is pretty fucking awesome - though he makes me a little nervous sometimes. Wait, maybe that's why he's awesome. Anybody who can rattle my smug little comfort zone must have something special to bring to the table. Ooh and you know what else? He has beautiful eyes :)

I know I know, I am in deep, deep trouble.

On a cold night like tonight

Bambi eyes was here last night. In fact he just left half an hour ago.

...............................................................

But then what does this all mean?
Am I about to jump into that all-so-familiar territory again?
No, no, and no! I hear myself scream
But life is truly a box of chocolates
and lately it seems that I've been getting only the good ones
My dad warned me about the guys in this city
For once... he's right.