My summer temper

Being a very competent klutz, naturally I hate it when people place their shoes where they are not supposed to be. Like right in the middle of the room. It might make a great home video, but somersaulting in the dark over somebody's stinky sneakers isn't something I want to do on a regular basis.

So as you can tell, I'm on a whingey mood. So here goes the rest.

For the first time in my 28 years, I have hay fever. Gee, thanks Montreal. It started last weekend. I got out of the house in the afternoon and right away, I was greeted with swirls and twirls of pollen. There was so much of it and I kid you not, the city looked like a giant cotton candy machine. But if the real cotton candy gives you toothache, this cotton candy gives you a blocked nose, watery eyes, sore throat, and a very, very cranky Karina.

I'm also pissed off with my apartment. First, the dryer broke down. Then, the fridge became unreliably warm when the temperature swelled. And here's the worst part, my bedroom - that pretty little room, and the only reason why I'm staying in this shit hole - was unable to defend itself from the heat. It became so hot inside that I didn't even dare turn on any kind of lighting for fear of setting the whole place ablaze.

Oh well, at least tomorrow's Thursday.

Kepleset

Ceritanya gua sekarang kerja jadi HR interviewer. Bukan untuk merekrut orang, tapi untuk melakukan background checks. You know, making sure crooks are not being hired...

I really enjoy doing this job because, hey, I get to talk all day long. That is so me, don't you think? Walaupun maap, blog ini jadi makin jarang di-update, terutama sejak 'krisis' sekitar dua minggu yang lalu yang ngga cuma menyurutkan nafsu makan, tapi juga nafsu nge-blog, dan nafsu-nafsu lainnya. Alhamdulilah semua nafsu tersebut sekarang sudah hampir pulih. *berdehem*

Sialnya, lidah gua tuh lumayan sering kepleset (keturunan dari nyokap). A jadi B dan B jadi A.

So far, here are my top three embarrassing tongue slips:

Original question: "So what was his reason for leaving?"
What came out: "So what was his reason for living?"

kenape sih bhs inggris mesti bunyinya mirip-mirip? ih rese deh...

Original question: "So how would you describe his temperament?"
What came out: "So how would you describe his temperature?"

pada saat itu gua pingin lari sekenceng-kencengnya menuju jendela dan terjun bebas ke lantai dasar...

Original line: "I'd really appreciate if if you could call me back on..."
What came out: "I'd really appreciate if if you could kill me..."

at least i was being polite about it...

New blog

If bored married couples have babies to keep their marriage alive, unemployed people blog to keep the boredom at bay. So with that theory in mind, I'm happy to announce that I just gave birth to a new blog.

Doin' just fine

While wiping the ***hole after doing the number 2 this evening, I observed something rather strange.

There's a shred of carrot in my turd. Or something that resembles it anyway. I didn't go so far as picking it out and verifying its identity - 'cos that's just gross, alright?

Don't worry about me, though. I just thought I'd share that with you.

Don't make me watch this video again

OMIGOD OMIGOD. Right now I'm really hating Islam. Like, really. As a proponent of freedom and democracy, what I really want for Christmas this year is for that religion to be demolished and banned from this planet.

Thanks to this video.

Wow. Propaganda really works, eh?

Ohhh I'm so sad... why do they hate us so much just because we're different? Ohhh... this is worse than racism.

One bike, many bruises

So I bought a bike yesterday. At this bike recycling shop that also sells pinball machines dating from the 70's and, apparently, weed. I wonder if there's a correlation between the three.

"Did you smell anything while you were there?" GZ asked me afterwards. He knew that place since his friend the drug addict is a regular customer there. But apart from rubber and that distinctive yet inexplicable smell of junk, no, I didn't get a whiff of anything else. I guess I can never be part of a police drug squad, then.

But anyway, the bike is extremely cute, complete with a rearview mirror and a front basket. Not sure how old it is, though there are some rusty parts. Its main colour is golden brown; even the saddle is brown.

All that cuteness couldn't save me from trouble though. Riding it home for the first time from the shop - which was far far away in the city south - I fell twice and almost got hit by a car once, in between which the words "fuck", "ngehe", "anjing" and their varieties could be heard from my direction.

What do people do, anyway, when they fall off their bikes? Do they laugh at themselves to minimise the embarrassment? Or do they pretend nobody saw it? When I fell yesterday, in front of about 5 people at a bus stop and Jesus knows how many cars, I could see that those people were trying hard not to crack up. Some even looked away, kinda hoping I suppose, that I didn't see their faces, to make me feel less embarrassed. Man, I felt so sorry for myself that I almost wished I was dead.

I'll get better, you'll see.

It's not me, it's you, yes you

Tonight is not amazing at all. The cracks are starting to show. Could I have reacted differently? Perhaps. But then, that wouldn't have been me.

On the other hand, it's 2008. Maybe I'll be nice this year and see what happens. Either that, or I'll keep reminding myself that guys are stupid and insensitive and that I should forgive them for those shortcomings. After all, they're built that way, ya know?

GEEZ.

Guys, stop using these lines, right now:

"Do you want me to leave?"
If we really want you to leave, we would have said so. Stop trying to read what women are thinking. That's not something men are ever capable of. Oh wait, is this just another one of your lame escape routes?

"But I have had such a long day."
We all had to live through the same number of hours today. Just because yours felt longer doesn't mean you can start acting like a 2 year-old and like, piss us off, in the process.

"Are you jealous?"
Rule number 1. If men ever have to ask that question, the answer is always yes. We're women. We're built that way. No further explanation required.

Instant Karma

Tadi sore gua melihat fenomena luar biasa. Ada orang yang bentuk badannya seperti kodok. Badannya bulet, kedua kakinya kurus, dan semua itu dibalut baju senam ketat. Yang terjadi selanjutnya adalah gua mulai membayangkan orang tersebut sedang melompat dari papan terjun kolam renang. Syuuut! Bagi gua sih itu lucu (banget).

Tapi Tuhan itu memang adil. Dan karma itu bukan hanya nama.

Karena barusan gua diberakin burung.

Giliran nyokap dan adik gua yang ketawa. "Tadi dia ngata-ngatain orang, sekarang di-e-e-in burung, hahaha!"

Untung cuma kena celana pendek gua dan bukan kepala gua. Well this is another reason why I want to leave this country. There are so many freaking seagulls here! And to think that this is the third time this lawlessness has happened to me.

Cerita gua belum selesai.

Barusan, ketika gua nyari-nyari gambar kodok di google untuk mendukung blog entry gua kali ini, gua menemukan gambar ini:



The keyword that I entered was 'human frog'. I guess I got what I asked for. Oh God, this image will haunt me forever. I'm really being punished. You can read the story here, but I hope it's just a hoax by someone who's really good at Photoshop.

Splash!

Untuk urusan yang ngga-ngga, orang Indonesia memang paling jagonya (nggak heran gua jadi begini). Seperti yang kita semua udah tau, besarnya masalah transportasi di Jakarta tuh udah lebih dari luar biasa. Mobil pribadi terlalu banyak, sementara kendaraan umum terlalu sedikit - itu pun mayoritas udah pada reyot dan nggak layak untuk menyambut turis-turis yang diharapkan bakal datang tahun depan dalam rangka Visit Indonesia Year 2009. Get real!

Nah, salah satu masalah yang lagi diributin adalah penumpang liar di kereta api kota. Liar dalam arti bukan hanya nggak bayar, tapi duduknya di atap kereta, jadi membahayakan diri sendiri dan orang lain juga (karena dulu sempat ada atap yang jebol).

Karena usaha konvensional - seperti teguran atau jeweran - untuk memberantas hal ini tidak mempan, petugas-petugas kerapi itu akhirnya dapet ide cemerlang. Gak mau turun? Kita siram saja mereka dengan cat! Ini berita lengkapnya.

I wonder what SBY has to say about this!

Probably nothing, as usual.

Well that's Indonesia for you. A country where symptoms, and not the causes, are treated. A country where riding on the roof of trains can turn into a giant paintball party.

Be afraid... be very afraid.

While browsing on the internet, fate stepped in (through an uninvited pop-up) and presented me with that sinister-looking plastic cup.

The Mooncup Menstrual Cup.


I wonder how many women have ordered that thing online, given that the woman in the picture does nothing for their advertising campaign. I mean look at her, her smile is screaming, "I've got a foreign object stuck in my canal and it ain't cool!"

Pamela Anderson files for divorce

I got angry when I read this piece of junk - the link is there as reference but don't bother clicking it. I was angry because 1. I was being such a sucker for entertainment news headlines, and 2. people like her have truly bastardised the concept of marriage by making it and divorce - its sequel - seem so easy as if they can be picked off the supermarket shelves. Reason for the failed marriage: irreconcilable differences. A.k.a. lazy.

Of course we all have differences to each other - otherwise we'd all just be carbon copies. But what's irreconcilable? Not being able to adjust to each other's hectic schedule? Not being able to tolerate each other's annoying little habits? Not being able to make a compromise on each other's values? And to think that Pam's marriage is only 70 days-old. Irreconcilable as a word shouldn't even exist. Afterall, there's nothing in this world that cannot be solved - even the cold war eventually ended, right?

I won't be surprised if it was a divorce lawyer who first came up with this so-called irreconcilable differences.

Having said that, I do feel that not all marriages should be saved. Provided that you've tried your very best - and that includes talking things over and reflecting over a period much longer than 70 days - I think that sometimes it's just better for your mind and body to just call the lawyer and get it over and done with. But even in that case, you still shouldn't cite irreconcilable difference as the reason for divorce. Try this: failure to stay in love.