Just need to chat right now

I wish I didn’t have to finish off those tax obligations back home, one of them is a few months overdue, hanging off my skinny back. As each day passes, I feel their fangs coming closer and closer. Yet, menacing as these tasks are, I don’t feel compelled to get them over and done with. My writing pursuit comes first. Funny, I feel embarrassed typing out that last sentence.

I’ve read countless articles on being a freelance writer, finding article ideas and writing query letters. I can probably start a book on these subjects without ever having had a feature article in any newspaper with my name as a byline. I guess you can say that I’m overqualified as a freelance writer. The way a 25 year-old Master’s graduate who has never had a job in his field of study is overqualified for his first job.

I cringe every time I think that I’m wasting precious hours in my day job, conducting mind-numbing interviews. When I say mind-numbing, I don’t mean it’s a brainless job, it just means that I’ve known the job so well that I can talk, type, grab a marshmallow, answer an IM message and pick my nose at the same time. My point is, it’s not a bad job, but after almost one year, it is starting to get mechanical.

I did try to do something about it though, spice up my professional life a bit and apply to no less than three internal positions. Failed. Being (or striving to be) someone with high self-esteem, I attribute that to lack of preparation rather than incompetence. But if I want to be more honest, I suspect that I failed because I didn’t really want those jobs. No no, I wanted those jobs, but I didn’t desperately want them. Get the difference? So perhaps, just perhaps, the interviewers caught a whiff of that insincerity.

Happily, I can feel things starting to come together for me. I’ve started writing a query letter, though I’ve stopped short of explaining what my article will actually contain. Ha! But we all start from the bottom, right?

For the second time in my life, I am opting to take the lonely path. That of breaking away from a Monday to Friday, nine to five (or in my case ten to six) job, though this time I am still retaining some of that lifestyle. Mostly for the money, but also to retain a bit of sanity. Repulsive as the word may sound, I do need some form of a r.o.u.t.i.n.e.

I thought 2007 was my year of soul searching and I thought I was satisfied with the results. No. It was just the beginning.